The dichotomy of existing
A lot of what has prevented me from writing and publishing more content has been due to my relationship with grief and how to continue to live in the face of that grief. Tonight, I first wrote a Substack article about the loss of a member of the Bluebird District and Denver Music Community. You can find that Substack article here.
The truth is, there is always a part of me that dies with each person that I have lost and I am always feeling like I am trying to find my way back to the land of the living when another loss strikes. I blame it on my Jupiter in Scorpio…finding expansion and growth through death.
I also find that I just can’t seem to muster up the courage to “sell” myself while I am in a cycle of grief. Yet, if there is anything that this life of mine has taught me, I will be hard-pressed to find a time where I won’t be or someone close to me isn’t in a cycle of grief. So, this is my first attempt at navigating a loss close to my heart, out loud.
That said, I am realizing that this isn’t about selling myself, it’s about walking my talk and allowing my truth to be shared with others. The funny thing is that for this blog post, I was planning on sharing the origin of how my zodiac candles were birthed, but that will be shared next one I suppose.
What I am sharing in this one, while the story may be different, it doesn’t change my truth. One of my truths is that I find inspiration from people in my life. I shape my business and my writings from where I wasn’t able to find the support and transform that into something tangible to share with others. Likewise, when I find inspiration from others, I also transform that inspiration.
This week, I had thought about texting Cass to tell her when my next astrology class was because she always wanted to support her community. It’s truly wild that what prevented me from doing so was seeing the last text we shared of her asking if I could cover a shift for her. I responded that I couldn’t work because I intentionally took it off, as it was the first anniversary of my mom’s passing. Her response was how horrible she felt for asking me to work for her and she said that she was here for me if I ever needed and she was sending me all the love.
I believe that this blog post and my companion Substack are my ways of trying to transform my grief into inspiration because I know that Cass would still shine even during the midst of a hurricane.
If anyone needs support or a hug, SpiritWays is a place where that exists for anyone who needs it.
